The Intra-Subjective Times
Events of recent days have been followed by a flurry of statistically significant departures from seasonal moving averages of most of the prime indicators yo.
Self-Reflexive anxiety was up 10 percent upon excessive dwelling on the social consequences of speaking and thinking exclusively in a language that has lost grammatical gender.
OH Shit! The world weariness index jumped 12% on the realization that we have to write a dissertation. Productivity has been extremely volatile with the daily standard deviation in output increasing for the fourth week straight.
BIZ
All of you are of course familiar with the macro cyclical structuring of business as usual. Business as usual usually progresses cyclically. Which is to say that there is a high degree of volatility in exactly how much business is getting done.
The frugality center of my brain raised interest rates for a third time this week in a concerted effort to curtail the excessive off the books spending that are the hallmark of an overheating procrastinatory academic climate. Chief Economist Dr. Wallet of the Financial Accounting Bureau has applauded these measures as necessary belt tightening:
"This sort of unabashed consumption of leisure items, whilst the shadow of credit card debt looms ever larger, portends impending financial collapse. The actions we have taken cannot work alone. The Financial Accounting Bureau is working closely with the Office of the Subconscious to ensure a speedy recovery."
Minutes later the normally laconic Office of the Subconscious issued the following statement:"Until further notice dreaming will focus on protestant anxiety and the sublimation of sexual desire for productive purposes. Furthermore, any pleasant or hedonistic imagery will be interrupted by a foreboding and uncharacteristically sober Benjamin Franklin."
Biological Processes and Romance:
Alarmists in the demographic community point to the steady aging of the cellular population and the statistically significant increases in life expectancy that could be gained through the adoption and enforcement of a pro-marriage policy.
When asked about recent events, the The Press Secretary of the Brain Cells had this to say: "Maybe you guys aren't as close to the eyes as we are, but you'll just have to trust us, every thing's fine. All we need is a surge of creative power and motivation." When asked about where such a windfall of dynamism might come from the Secretary cited the likelihood of divine intervention "Something will come along. It always does."
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INTERNATIONAL SOURCES
indicate that despite recent proclamations of fiscal conservancy by official representatives of the sovereign state of Shouter, internal infrastructure continues to lag behind the developed world. One long time observer of internal shouter politics is quoted as saying "the Shouter economic cycle is largely characterized by a growing relativistic acceptance of debt-based insolvency, necessitating a welfare state style existence in the form of aid." Such aid has long been supported by the international community as SHouter was a seen as a potential economic and intellectual "tiger". Parallels have been drawn to Taiwan. However, recent undercurrents suggest that if Data Sets, or some showing of quantitative research supporting such a position are not made public such suport may wane.
Shouter will not bow to inspections!
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